


Pasta House Prep

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [109]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Beach Holidays, F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 11:43:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14307927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: johnn: how did we start talking about white jesus and end herelaf: this conversation started with hercules asking us to shower with him honjohnn: what the fuck





	Pasta House Prep

**more like HUNKules** : dO YOU WANNA GO JOGGING W US!!

 **hugh uppercase** : absolutely not

 **more like HUNKules** : wow, your own son

 **mother mulligan** : are you aware that frances' boyfriend got up at three in the morning and came down here, woke me up bc he spilled a whole bowl of milk on the floor after trying to take it to the sink, then talked to me half asleep as he moPPED about how much he loved your daughter

 **more like HUNKules** : ,,,,aW which one

 **mother mulligan** : francis

 **more like HUNKules** : AW!!

 **more like HUNKules** : also did you ask him Why he was up

 **more like HUNKules** : aLSO do yoU want to go jogging with us, your favorite sons, ex-daughter-in-law, and also grandson-in-law

 **mother mulligan** : he said he couldn't sleep and !! yes !!

 **more like HUNKules** : !! yES

\---

 **johnn** : ugh

 **johnn** : loVE cuddling hercules, haTE when hercules gets up to jog and I am left with chills and a view of his hiGHLY attractive retreating back muscles

 **more like HUNKules** : my moM IS GOING JOGGING WITH US IM SO HAPPY!!

 **laf** : yOU CANT GIGGLE LIKE THAT WHEN ALEX IS LAYING ON TOP OF ME AND I CANT REACH YOU!! HERCULES IS SO CUTE WHAT THE FUCK!!

 **more like HUNKules** : I will come to kiss you let me Moisturize my hair and sunscreen my Face to protect it from the Sun

 **little lion** : did I heAR hercules and kissing

 **laf:**  you did and your hair is fucking so soft rn

 **little lion** : you're doing the heart eyes thing again

 **laf** : I just love you so much

 **laf** : like !! so much !!

 **little lion** : lafayette!! I love you too!!

 **laf** : I know!!

 **little lion** : you're crying my lovE!!

 **johnn** : babe!!

 **laf** : this moRNING IS FUCKING ME UP

 **laf** : just !! three generations of mulligans are Currently in this household and I !! fifteen people !! we're going home tomorrow and fucking!! after the day we get back we have a dinner party with john's siblings and !! angelica has a whole side of her family and alex is the godfather of two of her children and !! I went from having no family at the age of twenty-two to having such a big family at forty-two and !! I'm just really fucked up on this fine dawn a lot of it has to do with the fact that hercules is shirtless and walked into the bathroom with his back muscles and alex asleep on me with his hair down and his cheek smushed on my chest with his hands balled into little fists at my sides and I'm choked up

 **johnn** : this is the most emotional beach trip we've ever had

 **laf** : please come cuddle me

 **johnn** : are you okay dearest

 **more like HUNKules** : !! honey !!

 **laf** : I'm fiNE JUST !! IN LOVE ITS FINE

 **little lion** : I'm gonna lay on you more now like the same but it's harder

 **little lion** : also rubbing my cheeks on you

 **laf** : idk why you do that but it is comforting and I love you so much

 **laf** : hercules I swear to god go jogging with your mom I see your worried eyebrows from here and that thing your eyes do where they dart back and forth before deciding to get back in bed with us

 **more like HUNKules** : ,,,but my spouse is crying

 **laf** : but your spouse is an ADULT and is being buried in our husbands who have no obligations, you, HOWEVER, do, and I don't want you to miss that on my account

 **more like HUNKules** : f i ne b UT iM goNNA BUY YOU CARMELS AND IM GONNA SEND THIS THEN BOUNCE SO YOU CANT ESCAPE AND TRY AND CONVINCE ME NOT TO

 **laf** : HERCULES!!

 **johnn** : pLEASE GET ME TAFFY

 **more like HUNKules** : I WILL

 **little lion** : DI DYOU JUST FALL DOWN THE STAIRS

 **more like HUNKules** : HSHSSHHHHHH ITS NOT IMPORTANT

 **laf:** herCULES

\---

 **more like HUNKules** : oH and my mom told me that francis has been up for two and a half hours and he was gushing abt frances to her and now she's giving me details and,,,he's so small and sweet

 **little lion** : don't you dare call someone whose height starts with a 6 small

 **more like HUNKules** : it's small to me

 **johnn:** ,,,,I love you but as one of your two short spouses,,,,my eyes are a little squinted

 **little lion** : as your other short spouse,,,,double squinted

 **laf** : ,,,as your tall spouse, my eyes are closed bc I am so comfy in the arms of our small babes

 **more like HUNKules** : he started talking abt how much he loves her and like ?? saying how proud my mom should be of her bc she truly raised a person Who Raised a person to be so amazingly intelligent and beautiful inside and out with such a ""strong head on her shoulders"" who loves with her entire heart and loves endlessly and bitch!! he really is out here lovin our daughter above anything else like what the fuck he's six

 **little lion** : aW

 **little lion** : and he right like !! you're such a great father I love you

 **more like HUNKules** : I love you too!! I really want your hand on my heart right now

 **little lion** : hjhjGHJg

 **more like HUNKules** : I just !! there's something comforting about your hand just resting on my chest

 **more like HUNKules** : buT !! we are at the boardwalk so !! I will be back at 6:30 with lafayette's carmels and john's taffy and alex's pound of gummy cola bottles and aLSo my lips

 **johnn** : we will be asleep until then

 **little lion** : !! yes I love john and lafayette so much

 **laf** : we love you too

 **little lion** : <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

\---

 **little lion** : I didn't even ask for the pound of gummy cola bottles why do I love hercules enough to kill me !! bc he deserves it I answered my own question

 **more like HUNKules** : go to sleep love

 **little lion** : I was asleep but I woke up again and now I'm waiting to text james and thomas bc I didn't as much as I like to yesterday and I miss them

 **more like HUNKules** : and !! no you didn't have to, they're your favorite candy and you're my bAbe and have been for twenty years

 **little lion** : come!! home!!

 **more like HUNKules** : we're in the car now!! francis is dying and I'm winded bc my mom apparently does fucking half marathons all the time and doesn't tell me even thoUGH I called her all the time and she says NOTHING

 **little lion** : ALSO I have not always been your babe when we first got together you were so hesitant and scared and so so cute!! and nervous !! and you stuttered and blushed every time I kissed you and got flustered trying to explain how much you missed us when you were home !!

 **more like HUNKules** : al e x an d e r

 **little lion** : you didn't call me babe for at LEAST a month into our relationship

 **more like HUNKules** : nO I definitely called you babe before that bc I remember calling you babe during,,,,,some things

 **little lion** : we agreed as a marriage and as one unit that works together to Not talk about That

 **more like HUNKules** : iT was the beginning of our Current sex life, which is Great, so it's fine

 **more like HUNKules** : and we loved each other sm but for such a short time, it was normal and yeS you almost broke your nose but you didn't anD we love you sm every time we talk abt this I remember that one time you said you were so so nervous bc you thought you were ugly but you aren't and you never have been and never will be I love you so much and honestly getting really mad at hugh bc he won't drive faST ENOUGH

 **little lion** : my love

 **more like HUNKules** : I had to leave lafayette while they were crying and also I didn't get to kiss any of you goodbye bc they didn't want me to miss out on getting to jog w my mom and Others, and not to even mention the fact that I didn't get to cuddle you until at leaST six bc I had to get up to get ready for jogging in the first place so !! I need to be kissed for a good twenty minute period before we get up to go to the beach please

 **little lion** : come here my beAUTIFUL husband, buT I was serious I do want to text james and thomas bc I loOoVE them

 **more like HUNKules** : I'm !! gonna get a shower quick bc I am Extremely sweaty but !! yes I understand and I love you sm

 **little lion** : I love you too!! <3 and pleASE do not hesitate to go in just like you are, and come out to find clothes Later

 **more like HUNKules** : unbelievable

 **more like HUNKules** : !! I'm back I'm coming up

 **little lion** : !!

\---

 **little lion** : are you awAKE yet

 **jmadzzz** : I am but thomas is still asleep, being beautiful or whatever he does when I'm in the living room reading

 **little lion** : yEAH speaking of your apartment now

 **jmadzzz** : that is not at all where I was going

 **little lion** : cAN WE TALK ABOUT THE FARMHOUSE SINK

 **jmadzzz** : it cAME WITH THE HOUSE

 **little lion** : AND YOU COULDN'T PICK A DIFFERENT HOUSE??

 **macaroni fUCK** : hello I'm awake  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : the farmhouse sink is cute and will be in our new megamansion we have to buy to fit all of our children when they come visit

 **little lion** : uHHhHh james thoughts

 **jmadzzz** : thomas bought me dinner after I forgot to eat for sixteen hours and then convinced me to sign the lease so

 **jmadzzz** : I just want a house and to love and be married to you, I don't care about the specifics of what the house looks like

 **little lion** : j a m e s

 **little lion** : ALSO, not counting james bc he is impartial, itS 4-1 and therefore nO we will not be getting the farmhouse sink

 **macaroni fUCK** : our dynamic will be a lot of voting on things won't it

 **macaroni fUCK** : considering

 **little lion** : we'll be so cute I can't wAIT to just !! be domestic and gay w you

 **little lion** : like !! we already are but this time it'll be in a house we bought!! and live in together as a Unit and I'm gonna be so happy and so so maRRIED!!

 **little lion** : god I love you so much

 **jmadzzz** : I love you too !!

 **macaroni fUCK** : love you!!

 **little lion** : oH also !! the facetime thing, we need to talk about it

 **macaroni fUCK** : ACTUALLY IVE BEEN MEANING TO ASK BUT I HAVENT HAD THE NERVE BUT NOW !! IM JUST ASLEEP STILL ENOUGH !! THAT WAS OKAY RIGHT!! LIKE ALL FOUR OF YOU WERE COMFORTABLE RIGHT LIKE I KNOW YOURE ADULTS AND CAN TALK ABOUT THINGS AND WHETHER OR NOT YOURE COMFORTABLE WITH THEM BUT !! FOR MY SAKE I HAVE TO KNOW

 **little lion** : thomas!! if you were worried you could've come and talked to me about it!! not physically of course but !! called or texted me I love you so much!!

 **little lion** : anD !! yes !! after I,,,realized,,,and then hung up, and we Paused bc I wanted to !! explain !! and then you responded saying !! how you Felt, and john was like "",,,do you wanna call back"" and I had a crisis bc I didn't want to rush things or push them into things!! but then lafayette was like !! okay hold on,,,now that's interesting,,,and hercules had a Response and then groaned some things bc he was,,,,in a compromising position and his eyes rolled back in his head and wow I love hercules

 **macaroni fUCK** : oKAY!! OKAY GOOD!! BC I KNEW, RATIONALLY, THAT YOURE ALEXANDER HAMILTON, WHO PLAYS NO GAMES WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR SPOUSES BEING SAFE AND COMFORTABLE AND WHO CARES ABOUT CONSENT ABOVE ALL ELSE, BUT I WORRY

 **little lion** : you give me too much credit for !! just !! being a decent husband, but also !! were you okay with that !! I know you Said you were the few times I asked but !! I want a follow up I'm concerned about my husband and also my other husband where is he

 **jmadzzz** : I'm here I finished my coffee and I'm holding thomas bc he's warm and yeAH his elbows are digging into my stomach but with a face like that don't you just forget about it??

 **little lion** : can't relate I'm always the little spoon but !! the importaNT!! ISSUE!!

 **macaroni fUCK** : first of all you asked if All of your spouses, including us, like Four thousand times whether we were all okay with it or not and we all said and meant yes!! it was Somethin

 **macaroni fUCK** : still don't get where, as parents of three in your forties, you find the energy

 **jmadzzz** : fuck the energy what about the time

 **little lion** : everyone was out shopping and !! you build an endurance after 20 years hghJGg hercules just got out of the shOwer and he took my advice about getting his clothes After he was done bathing

 **little lion** : wow !! he is soaking wet I love him sm

 **little lion** : I have chills

 **jmadzzz** : ,,,,,do you need a minute??

 **little lion** : no I'm fine he's laughing at me and it's just making my heart beat faster in my chest but !! he's gonna get in bed soon and sleep so it's fine I can,,Chill

 **macaroni fUCK** : I need you to get home rN

 **little lion** : I'll be with you on monday

 **jmadzzz** : I thought you were coming home on saturday?? :^( how am I supposed to survive this

 **little lion** : I am!! but we're coming home saturday Night and then on sunday we have a dinner party with john's siblings and I'm so excited to see them all!! it's going to be so fun

 **macaroni fUCK** : aw I really wanted to see you as soon as I could

 **macaroni fUCK** : !! could we do smth sunday afternoon !! I miss you

 **little lion** : tHIS message combined with hercules coming to bed and just !! enveloping me in his arms really did a number on me my eyes are full of hearts and also a lil bit of tears

 **little lion** : and !! I would love that !! we can have brunch and also go on a walk I'm !! love you !!

 **jmadzzz** : we're love you too!!

 **little lion** : I'm gonna gush abt you to hercules and also nap for a min but I'll text you later!!

 **macaroni fUCK** : !! sleep well love !!

 **jmadzzz** : we'll see you soon!!

\---

 **laf** : okay alex doesn't exactly know I'm Awake,,,,but him gushing abt you to hercules is honestly so cute let me set a scene

 **macaroni fUCK** : omg

 **laf** : alex is just curled up on my lovely husband, and he has his sweater on and hercules smells like lavender and hercules is running his hands through his hair and he's talking about how excited he is to come home and see you and marry you and how now whenever he looks at you he just thinks abt how much he wants to be with you forever and hercules is !! nodding and listening and I'm crying

 **laf** : I've been caught they know I'm awake

 **laf** : fuck

 **jmadzzz** : hjGJHgjghh I !!! LoVE !! ALEX !!!!!

 **macaroni fUCK** : R T

\---

 **laf** : I love your mom

 **more like HUNKules** : okay, gimme some sources

 **laf** : she's just really cute and cool for being 73 and also we're packing snacks for the beach so like do y'all wanna come down

 **little lion** : hello my dearest spouse whom I love, we were crying over hercules in Swim Trunks

 **johnn** : NO HE TRIED ON YOUR TINY TINY RED SWIM SHORTS AND NOW IM SWEATING IN CENTRAL AIR CONDITIONING

 **more like HUNKules** : HSJDHSD JOHN IS MAD AT US

 **johnn** : I CANT BELIEVE YOU DO THIS TO ME

 **laf** : UHHHHHHHHH PICTURES?? ANYBODY HAVE PICTURES

 **little lion** : YES I HAVE LIKE THREE MILLION PICTURES, SEVENTEEN ANGLES, ENDLESS TEARS

 **little lion** : I TOOK ONE ON HIS SHOULDERS TO GIVE AN IDEA OF THE TOPOGRAPHY OF T H A T LAND

 **more like HUNKules** : I hate you for that entire sentence

 **johnn** : ,,,,is the word topography supposed to be a pun bc hercules is

 **little lion** : SJDH Y E S

 **laf** : I hear screaming but am I surprised after that?? no

 **little lion** : theY CANT DO THIS IM !! AHSAJSHHASH NOT DRESSED YET AND ONLY IN A SWEATER AND UNDERWEAR NOT GENERALLY ACCEPED BY THE PUBLCJISHD

 **little lion** : HE PICKED ME UP AND THREW ME OVER HIS SHOULDER

 **little lion** : I KICKED THE CEILING FAN HGSJJSD

 **little lion** : oKAY !! I AM GETTING DRESSED

 **laf** : bless !!

 **johnn** : !! your ring isn't in the box !!

 **laf** : oH!! I'm wearing it still

 **laf** : my heart just dropped I love my ring so much it means I'm married to you

 **laf** : I'd die if I lost it

 **johnn** : do you want me to come down and get it??

 **laf** : !! no I'll come up !! we just need to pack the water and soda n stuff and that's all in the garage so !!

 **johnn** : !!!

\---

 **france eyes** : I think I just died

 **pip pip doodly doo** : mood

 **theodosia the Second** : what Was that

 **anastasie** : hi welcome to a not so uncommon occurrence, brought to you by the mulligan-lafayette-laurens-hamilton family, which is screaming and laughing at ungODLY hours of the morning bc they are, indeed, disgusting

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I'm so tired and theo is so wARM !! but we have to get up in like thirty minutes and I hate my life

 **theodosia the Second** : you love your life

 **pip pip doodly doo** : noT when it wakes me up by chortling and then informs me that I only have twenty more minutes to cuddle my own girlfriend before having to get up and go be personable

 **james** : oh my god your grandparents are hERE

 **france eyes** : HJHSJ I TALKED TO HER FOR LIKE HALF AN HOUR THIS MORNING ABT HOW IN LOVE I WAS WITH FRANCES AND SHE JUST DTARED AT ME AND ATE HONEYDEW CUBES JDHKSDHKJSD

 **france eyes** : I SAID SHE HAD A GOOD HEAD ON HER SHOULDERS WHAT IF SHE TAKES THAT THE WRONG WAY

 **anastasie** : that's not how that phrase works what did you bookend saying that with

 **france eyes** : I SAID HOW SHES SO INTELLIGENT AND SMART AND BEAUTIFUL AND THEN AFTER I TALKED ABT HOW MUCH SHE LOVES SO MANY PEOPLE LIKE US AND Y'ALL AND YOUR PARENTS WITH HER WHOLE HEART AND SOULA ND HOW LUCKY I AM TO DATE HER

 **anastasie** : you're fine

 **france eyes** : oh my god

 **frances** : you talked to my grandmother??

 **france eyes** : YOURE AWAKE

 **frances** : babe

 **james** : my loOoVES

 **france eyes** : I hate everything now I don't wanna go to the beach either but we have to bc iF we don't your grandparents will think we hate them and I, in fact, doNT hate your grandparents they're funny and like to embarrass your Parents, which delights me greatly

 **james** : you realize you're suffocating me yes

 **frances** : I just love you both so much

 **anastasie** : I hate my life I'm so alone

 **pip pip doodly doo** : nO!! don't you're fine as a person and complete and whole and all that good Stuff and do not need a signif to be Happy bc you're so cute!!

 **pip pip doodly doo** : aLSO what ever happened to that girl you had a crush on

 **pip pip doodly doo** : like all that stuff is true, but also you had a crush on a girl and apparently nothing ever came of it and now I'm CURIOUS

 **anastasie** : ,,,,,,,

 **pip pip doodly doo** : oH WAIT you still have a crush on her I want to know More

 **anastasie** : yeah but she's aunt angelica's daughter so !! weird

 **james** : WAIT

 **anastasie** : NOT RELATED BY BLOOD OUR PARENTS ARE BESTIES

 **frances** : WAIT S H E S ?? THE ONE YOU SAW WALKING THROUGH WALMARTS PARKING LOT WITH BRASS KNUCKLES AND A GIRL SCOUT SASH ON

 **anastasie** : I'm locking myself in the bathroom

 **frances** : nO ANA WAIT

 **anastasie** : B Y E

 **theodosia the Second** : aW ANA THATS SO CUTE!!

 **anastasie** : BYE BYE BYE

\---

 **little lion** : I have to see so many people when we get home

 **little lion** : my husbands, my siblings-in-law, angelica, my godchildren, washington !! to give him all these little seashell turtle things I have to buy for martha so her beachy living room interior decor landscape aesthetic can be complete

 **johnn** : her fucking what now

 **laf** : aRE !! YOU DRESSED !!

 **little lion** : yES ALSO WHILE I WAS IN THE BATHROOM LOOKING FOR BEACH TOWELS, TRIED ON LAFAYETTES SHORTS, THEY DID NOT MAKE IT PAST MY THIGHS, I TOOK THEM OFF

 **more like HUNKules** : hghgh I can't wait til fall gets here and alex wears jeans again

 **johnn** : but right now it's alex in tank top season and we are thriving

 **laf** : but winter is coming and that's alex in sweaters, scarves, and puff jacket season

 **little lion** : y E S, YOU LOVE ME ALL YEAR ROUND, WE UNDERSTAND NEKLHSDKJH NOW GET IN THE BUS

 **johnn** : love you!!

 **little lion** : hUSH I LOVE YOU TOO OR WH ATE VER

 **laf** : !!

 **more like HUNKules** : !!

\---

 **france eyes** : hJHKHD why are your parents fighting abt alex's best outfits

 **anastasie** : WE TOLD YOU THEY WERE LIKE THIS

 **pip pip doodly doo** : this is literally everything pops owns like fuck

 **theodosia the Second** : tAG yourself I'm the intricate fucking hand gestures they do when they want to reference outfits that y'all aren't allowed to know about

 **frances** : aT THIS POINT THOUGH DO WE EVEN REALLY KNOW OUR PARENTS

 **anastasie** : WE KNOW TOO MUCH, AND YET NOTHING

 **james** : it's like a balance it's enough to be able to complain abt them being embarrassing, but not enough that you get genuinely Upset by them/emotionally traumatized at the things they tell you

 **france eyes** : do we need to talk about something??

 **james** : no I'm fine!! I just Observed

 **france eyes** : okay !! I love you

 **james** : I love you too

 **pip pip doodly doo** : oKAY NOW WHEN TALKING ABT LAFAYETTES BEST OUTFITS, AND ALL OF THEM IMMEDIATELY SAY THEIR WEDDING DRESS, DAS CUTE AF #GOALS

 **frances** : THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO THINK ABT IT AW !!

 **anastasie** : LAFAYETTE IS CRYING KSHSKH OH NO

 **theodosia the Second** : !! IM CRYING !!

 **pip pip doodly doo** : !! come here !!

 **theodosia the Second** : LIKE WHO EVEN A R E YOUR PARENTS THATS SO SWEET THEY CANT EVEN GET TO A SECOND OUTFIT BC THEYRE ALL RED AND STARING AT EACH OTHER

 **james** : KSHDJHSD GOALS

 **france eyes** : :^O !! you'd look so handsome at our wedding !! mar

 **james** : I WATCHED YOU PANIC

 **frances** : WERE YOU JUST ABOUT TO PROPOSE TO JAMES

 **france eyes** : THATS NOT IMPORTANT WE'RE AT THE BEACH NOW

 **james** : FR ANC I S

 **theodosia the Second** : KASHDJKSDH AW

\---

 **laf** : I hate you sm you kill me so hard

 **laf** : which skirt of my wedding dress did you like the best

 **laf** : you can't say both and you have to answer I will not kiss any of you for the rest of the night if One of you do not answer truthfully and I am All Knowing so you can't lie

 **laf** : also!! reasons please

 **more like HUNKules** : HONESTLY short one, it was proof of my skill and also your legs and your heels that were stUNNING but nothing at all compared to you

 **johnn** : I liked the long one bc it was a Gown and lafayette is Royalty

 **little lion** : I don't want to answer bc it's gonna get sappy

 **laf** : lay it on me you can set my body in the ocean to float away

 **little lion** : I liked your long one!! bc it was the first time we saw you in it and we got married in it and !! you swished down the aisle w your bouquet and you were already in tears and we were already crying !! and the music was playing and you finally looked up at us and you just !! that one tear fell bc we were all so excited and never thought we'd eVER get there and it like hit me again riGHT THEN that like wow!! right here, right now, I'm going to profess my love for this person and promise to spend the rest of my life with them, and not only am I sure with my whole heart and soul that I want to, I am openly eager and not at all afraid for the first time in my life bc I am Always afraid !!

 **little lion** : bUT THEN AGAIN, I also loved your short one, because it was our reception and you and hercules were so excited and me and john would talk aLL the time abt how much we were excited about it !! and then it haPPENED and your long dress came off and your short dress was there and you were laughing and so happy and BAM legs and I was so in love and the happiest I'd ever been!! and you would kneel to talk to the little babs at our wedding and your tHIGHS and CALVES and the weiRD THING THAT PEOPLE WITH MUSCLES HAVE ON THEIR KNEE THAT LIGAMENT OR WHATEVER THE FUCK

 **little lion** : anD YOU spent most of our reception in your short dress!! and when I'd reach over to put my hand on your leg you'd be all warm and lovely and just rest your forehead on the side of my head and then we'd kiss and I'm so in love I was so in love I will be forever I messed up the tenses who cares I liked both equally and that's just the gospel truth

 **johnn** : are you trying to get us not kissed

 **laf** : no!! he's fien ,, he's o ka

 **little lion** : want me to hug you my babe

 **laf** : I'm going to cry again if you don't

 **little lion** : !!

\---

 **little lion** : I've decided I needed to be strong enough to lift hercules when I hug him

 **more like HUNKules** : I refuse to believe you can't lift me and you aren't allowed to try sO, you're okay

 **johnn** : if alex had muscles I'd lose my marbles

 **johnn** : even though I have no more marbles to lose bc soft alex has already killed me

 **little lion** : nice save

 **johnn** : no!! I adore you you know that

 **little lion** : mg,ng

 **johnn** : my little love!! I'm sorry !! I phrased it wrong

 **little lion** : you're finE there was just a significant PAUSE before you started typing again and I got upset really quicly liKE I always do so I snapped at you and I'm sorry I know you love me it's been 20 years I Know you love me john

 **johnn** : no no no no no

 **johnn** : come here!! with me on the watermelon blanket and listen to me whisper things I love about you and try not to get Hot bc you're amazing and I'm so in love with everything you do

 **little lion** : unbelievable

 **johnn** : here!! now!!

 **little lion** : I'm comin

 **johnn** : my small babe who is taller than me!! love him

 **laf** : I'm glad this was resolved quickly I would've been Upset

 **more like HUNKules** : do you want cantaloupe?? !!

 **laf** : !! yes but come down on the blanket with us and eat bc I,,,,don't wanna move

 **more like HUNKules** : unbelievable I'm coming

 **laf** : oOh you brought strawberries

 **more like HUNKules** : I know what my spouses like

 **laf** : hmm I bet you can guess the thing we like the most

 **more like HUNKules** : kiss me

 **laf** : doNT have to tell me twice my love

\---

 **little lion** : tag yourself I'm hercules' parents immediately going down and setting their chairs by the ocean

 **johnn** : hJGh

 **more like HUNKules** : they cute tho so it's okay

 **more like HUNKules** : I want to go to dinner again but like with all of us

 **little lion** : oOH pasta!! pasta

 **johnn** : AM I HEARING PASTA HOUSE

 **laf** : P A S T A H O U S E

 **little lion** : honeSTLY I LOVE PASTA HOUSE MORE THAN OUR HOUSE WE'RE GOING

 **more like HUNKules** : wOOO

\---

 **james** : are you alright love

 **james** : you haven't looked at us since we got here

 **frances** : aw francis is still bushing

 **france eyes** : I !! am Embarrassed and in love and am going to DIE

 **james** : we already ?? planned to be together for as long as time would physically allow?? you're just puttin a ring on it

 **france eyes** : I want to be with both of you forever I'm sorry

 **frances:** hjHJ sorry for whAT

 **france eyes** : that I get so fluSTERED WHEN WE TALK ABOUT IT

 **james** : frANCIS LOooOooOoOvES US AND WANTS TO BE WITH US FOREeEvER

 **frances** : my bAaAaAAaAabE

 **france eyes** : HJGHJGhH I DO

 **france eyes** : noW STOP AND COME IN THE OCEAN W ME PLEASE

 **james** : !! yAS

 **frances** : wOOO

\---

 **pip pip doodly doo** : do you wanna ocean

 **theodosia the Second** : no, tired, sleeping

 **theodosia the Second** : put sunscreen on me periodically

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I'm literally sleepign next to you

 **theodosia the Second** : oh yay do you want me to take my hat off

 **pip pip doodly doo** : it's hitting me in the face but I can live with it

 **theodosia the Second** : I'm taking it off

 **pip pip doodly doo** : bless I love you

 **theodosia the Second** : I love you too!!

\---

 **laf** : I'm 72% sure that pip and theodosia have not actually been in the ocean once this trip they just show up, set up, and pass out

 **little lion** : they're cute and small let them sleep

 **johnn** : we have to spray them w sunscreen in two hours

 **more like HUNKules** : !! can someone sunscreen my face i forgot to do it

 **little lion** : cALLED IT

 **laf** : I found heart stickers at the bottom of my beach purse that are definitely no less than six years old why

 **little lion** : oOh can I put them on john and give him tan lines

 **johnn** : I'm

 **johnn** : why

 **little lion** : bc you're cute and I love you and I kinda wanna stare at you for a couple mins bc you Are shirtless and Very Very Hot

 **johnn:** come here

 **little lion** : yeS

\---

 **laf** : how did he fall asleep like that

 **little lion** : idk but I'm gonna draw my name on his chest in hearts lmaO

 **more like HUNKules** : hmm I would say he'd be mad but when has he ever been mad at us,,,hmmm

 **little lion** : this morning when we put on lafayette's shorts

 **more like HUNKules** : hmmm tru

 **more like HUNKules** : also me and alex might have ruined those shorts and I'm sorry about that

 **little lion** : lafayette has such nice thighs bc they're like Lean and could Kill a Bear

 **laf** : I'm done w you

 **little lion** : you just fed me a strawberry so no y'aren't

 **little lion** : also I love you but ya when it,,,comes to our thighs there tends to be a lot of,,,ground

 **little lion** : not to mention the tiny itty bitty intermission trying to fit them over my ass which did not work

 **more like HUNKules** : hghhg I love alex

 **more like HUNKules** : can someone get me a cold soda

 **more like HUNKules** : did it just get really hot here for anybody else

 **laf** : nope love, just you and the fact that you're attracted to our husband

 **little lion** : wOW hercules loves his husband, what a sap

 **laf** : honestly

 **laf** : next thing we know he'll be out here loving all his spouses

 **little lion** : such a softy

 **more like HUNKules** : jHGJH

 **little lion** : we're gonna kiss you now!!

 **more like HUNKules** : yes!! come here my loves

 **laf** : !!!

 **laf** : then are we good for the ocean

 **little lion** : no john is asleep still and I need MAX support please

 **laf** : of course honey

 **little lion** : hghhhg don't kiss my head like that I'm already sweating bc of the heat I Don't need the blushing

 **laf** : I love you

 **more like HUNKules** : I love you alex!!

 **little lion** : I love you too

 **little lion** : ,,,,I think I can go in the ocean if you Help Me

 **little lion** : I love john psa 

 **laf** : okay!! only if you're sure

 **little lion** : yeah!! I'm sweaty I need to live

 **more like HUNKules** : yes!! let's go my small husband while our other husband roasts like a chicken

 **laf** : ,,,we should probably spray him

 **little lion** : tru we don't want him burning like Some People

 **little lion** : ((me, it's me))

 **more like HUNKules** : how tragique it must be to sunburn

 **laf** : how upsettinq

 **little lion** : y'ALL CAN GET SUNBURNT ITS JUST LESS LIKELY

 **more like HUNKules** : says the only one of us who gets sunburnt

 **laf** : no john did get sunburnt that one time and his skin was peeling EVERYWHERE

 **little lion** : eW EW EW WE DO NOT NEED TO RELIVE THAT PLEASE AND TH ANK YOU

 **more like HUNKules** : I'M gagging

 **laf** : but me and hercules really don't

 **laf** : love you melanin

 **more like HUNKules** : I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK WHO MELANIN WAS IM LEAVING

 **laf** : DKHKJSDH

 **more like HUNKules** : I GOT SO CONFUSED

 **laf** : KSHJHHDJHAJAHA

 **little lion** : AHHH

 **more like HUNKules** : CAN WE GO TO THE OCEAN NOW

 **little lion** : NOPE IM GONNA SMOOCH YA

 **more like HUNKules** : HKHDK

 **laf** : aNA IS COMING WITH US!!

 **little lion** : wOO!!

\---

 **johnn** : ALEX

\---

 **france eyes** : I'm actually crying at your dad rn

 **frances** : WHIHC ONE JOHN, WITH THE HEART STICKERS ON HIS CHEST, OR ALEX, WHO PUT THE HEART STICKERS ON HIS CHEST

 **france eyes** : BOTH

 **james** : HES NOT EVEN TAKING THEM OFF HES JUST WAITING FOR ALEX TO COME BACK SO HE CAN BE MAD

 **anastasie** : IM CRYING

 **theodosia the Second** : oH we have sunscreen on still

 **anastasie** : ya pops sprayed you before they went down to the ocean so you don't cook

 **theodosia the Second** : I'm as dark as night I don't necessarily burn but ty mr. hamilton you a real one

 **pip pip doodly doo** : skin cancer is no joke sunscreen is an Always

 **theodosia the Second** : of course

 **theodosia the Second** : can you please spray the front of me and then we can reapply the Face Sunscreen

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ye and then we have to Hydrate

 **france eyes** : y'all are always takin care of each other it's cute af

 **theodosia the Second** : we like to keep each other safe  
  
**theodosia the Second** : we have a whole life to live together we can't fucking die Now  
  
**anastasie** : aW  
  
**pip pip doodly doo** : I loVE THEO!! sm

 **pip pip doodly doo** : alsO are you gonna stand so I can spray ya bc like 

 **theodosia the Second** : ya!! are we going to the boardwalk tonight

 **anastasie** : !! pAR SAID YES BUT WE'RE GOING TO PASTA HOUSE FIRST AND IM FUCKING P U M P E D

 **frances** : I FUCKING L O V E PASTA HOUSE

 **james** : ?? is it just ?? a house ?? of pasta ??

 **pip pip doodly doo** : YES HENCE RHE NAME PASTA HOUSE

 **frances** : PASTA HOUSE!! PASTA HOUSE!! PASTA HOUSE!!

 **anastasie** : PASTA HOUSE!! PASTA HOUSE!! PASTA HOUSE!!

 **pip pip doodly doo** : PASTA HOUSE!! PASTA HOUSE !! PASTA HOUSE !!

 **james** : ?? what family did I marry into

 **anastasie** : the fUCKING pasta pals 

 **james** : IM

\---

 **more like HUNKules** : I wanna go home and wash off all my sunscreen and take a nap

 **little lion** : hghh youRE all oily tho

 **more like HUNKules** : you can stare at me later when we're packing to go home

 **laf** : :^( we go home tomorrow )^:

 **laf** : can we buy a beach house so we can just come down whenever

 **more like HUNKules** : no we own too much property already

 **little lion** : we're wild look at us go

 **laf** : a tiny beach house!! just one

 **little lion** : ok but wiTH a beach house, our paris apartment, the lakehouse, and then our actual Home, wHICH WE ARE BUYING A NEW ONE OF IN ABOUT TWO YEARS

 **little lion** : NOT TO MENTION THE RAISING OF CHILDREN

 **little lion** : where would we find the time

 **laf** : ughhghugh fine

 **laf** : anyway since now we're on the topic of things I want

 **little lion** : hJHa of course

 **little lion** : !! I want to get the oil changed in the van when we get home it's like at 0

 **more like HUNKules** : ooP yeah we should do that

 **laf** : uHHh I want to repaint our bedroom

 **johnn** : we're moving in two years tho we wont have time to appreciate it

 **little lion** : but also then walls won't have the stains on them from us living there and doing stuff like drinking smoothies in bed

 **johnn** : ,,,,,,,tru

 **laf** : I want to have a baby but I know we're old but babies are cute and small and there's so many of them here with their Hats and little sunglasses liKE !! cmon

 **laf** : why am I fucking crying

 **more like HUNKules** : first of all we'd be like,,,62 when that child graduates high school and we CANNOT send another child to college I will actually go bald and lose my marbles

 **more like HUNKules** : I love you!! so much like !! but still,,,honey

 **little lion** : not to mention that one of the reasons that we chose to adopt our children, despite that we wanted to and agreed on it, was bc we didn't have !! time to raise a baby baby baby

 **little lion** : if I say it three times does it work in signifying how small I think infants are

 **johnn** : yes

 **laf** : it's a THOUGHT I've been having in passing but I am in love with our life and would not trade any aspect of it for the world

 **little lion** : maybe I can convince angelica to have another child and then just come over a lot

 **little lion** : she has so many already what's one more

 **laf** : akjhdJGKHG no do not she will kill you

 **laf** : besides she's 41 I think she's over it

 **little lion** : She doesn't age though, so she still looks abOUT twenty

 **more like HUNKules** : how the fuck are they paying for their children's schooling

 **more like HUNKules** : there's as many of them as there are of us parent wise but twice as many children

 **little lion** : I DONT KNOW HONESTLY AND IM NOT GOIN TO ASK BC THATS N O T A THING BUT FUCKING IT STRESSES ME OUT

 **johnn** : what are other things you want lafayette

 **laf** : new diamond earrings but I'm buying those myself

 **laf** : an oil change for the suv like alex said bc now it's on my mind

 **laf** : these are just things I think of

 **johnn** : we know

 **little lion** : but we love you

 **more like HUNKules** : and therefore Always want to know what you want and are thinking of

 **laf** : I love you

 **laf** : uhHh I want to read more of alex's poems and to buy a new bedspread

 **laf** : thats about it for now

 **laf** : wanna be wearing lipstick rn and also my wedding ring

 **johnn** : uH you mentioned 8 things

 **more like HUNKules** : we can help with three of those

 **little lion** : ??? I counted six

 **more like HUNKules** : painting our room, the oil change, and the bedspread are all things that we cannot do right Now, so I said three

 **little lion** : oh!! okay !! yes three but the other three will be delivered upon our arrivin in the great state of new york

 **johnn** : do you know what state we're in rn

 **little lion** : how dare you ask me that

 **johnn** : HJDHJSDH YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT TO AVOID ANSWERING

 **laf** : at this point if you told me it's not gonna do anything for me

 **laf** : like when we watch wizard of oz and you talk abt kansas, and idk where that is so I just nod

 **laf** : I know new york, I know maine, florida, california, and texas

 **laf** : the rest is filler

 **little lion** : rt but I know where masahcuetetctechtes is

 **johnn** : I actually am going to sob into my hands

 **little lion** : like when we went to dolleywood twelve years ago, no idea where that was, afraid to ask

 **little lion** : oH know where hawaii and alaska are

 **laf** : ehHh kind of know

 **more like HUNKules** : you realize you work for an international company right

 **little lion** : just bc you see an address doesn't mean you know where it is

 **laf** : aLSO I don't see you learning the geography of where wE'RE FROM anytime soon

 **johnn** : oF couRSE, but at the same time, we haven't lived in france or the caribbean for 25 years

 **laf** : anyway

 **more like HUNKules** : you're still cute don't worry

 **laf** : I know that

 **little lion** : I love you sm

 **johnn** : we love you too!!

 **laf** : let's go home!!

 **more like HUNKules** : yES!!

\---

 **anastasie** : WHEN !! IS !! PASTA !! HOUSE !!

 **more like HUNKules** : siX !! O !! CLOCK !!

 **frances** : that's early I'm gonna need snacks before I go to bed

 **more like HUNKules** : your grandparents are in their seventies I like to keep them safe

 **frances** : oOh right

 **frances** : okAY !! I'm going to shower

 **frances** : ttyl

 **anastasie** : mood bye

\---

 **more like HUNKules** : can we all shower together I want to be asleep in Six arms as soon as possible

 **laf** : ya

 **more like HUNKules** : god bless

 **johnn** : as always, if I die in this shower everything goes to alex

 **little lion** : of course

 **johnn** : you know how to finance better

 **little lion** : I do run a whole,,,department of an international company

 **little lion** : oh my god

 **laf** : our little powerful babe

 **little lion** : oh my god!!

 **johnn** : omg

 **little lion** : my wig is snatched y'all

 **little lion** : oOh what if I bought a wig

 **laf** : all I can picture for alex in a wig is him As jesus and honestly I hate it

 **little lion** : JSDHJSDH the robes, the flowing hair, the little squad of twelve boyfs, I can dig it

 **johnn** : I don't think that's accurate

 **little lion** : we're talking about white jesus here john

 **johnn** : jesus was a carpenter he'd probably be ripped

 **laf** : please stop becoming sexually attracted to white jesus I really will not be able to handle it

 **johnn** : KHSDJSHD

 **little lion** : I don't think I've ever dated a white person before tbh

 **little lion** : oH nope chester

 **more like HUNKules** : honestly still bitter about chester

 **little lion** : yOU SHOULDNT BE YOU HAVE U S AND CHESTER WAS NOT GOOD AT SEX AND LIKED GOLF

 **more like HUNKules** : sTILL, what if he got Better

 **more like HUNKules** : he could've been our Fifth

 **more like HUNKules** : your sixth ?? seventh including you

 **little lion** : nO thank you

 **little lion** : did you want to commit to watching golf tournaments for the rest of your life with someone who thinks that pepper is ""too much""

 **more like HUNKules** : nvm

 **little lion** : eXACTLY

 **johnn** : how did we start talking about white jesus and end here

 **laf** : this conversation started with hercules asking us to shower with him hon

 **johnn** : what the fuck

 **more like HUNKules** : oH yeah can we do that I'm standing naked in the bathroom so

 **little lion** : coMING IN

\---

 **pip pip doodly doo** : why do james and francis just sit in the bathroom while you're in there

 **frances** : idk I like them in there, it's nice

 **frances** : also we plan outfits

 **pip pip doodly doo** : y'all are weird

 **frances** : ya ok mr. I once almost suffocated on my girlfriend's hair in my sleep bc it smells like lavender and I loved it too much to breathe

 **pip pip doodly doo** : aNYWAY

\---

 **theodosia the Second** : pink or green blanket rn

 **pip pip doodly doo** : hMmM green always green

 **theodosia the Second** : I kinda wanna lay On the pink one, and then the green one on Top of us, and then the comforter Over that

 **pip pip doodly doo** : oOoh I have fuzzy shorts

 **theodosia the Second** : yES !!

 **theodosia the Second** : also the room is empty so I'm gonna kiss ya for a while

 **pip pip doodly doo** : oOOoH yas

 **theodosia the Second** : your hair looks so cute rn

 **theodosia the Second** : corl definition to the max max max

 **pip pip doodly doo** : can we talk abt the fact that my ring on the table next to our bed actually makes me want to cry abt how much I love you and cherish you and want to be w you foRever

 **theodosia the Second** : !! pip !! I love you so much come here rN

 **pip pip doodly doo** : omg!!

\---

 **anastasie** : I want to twist my hair but what's the damn point if we're leaving in three hours

 **anastasie** : can someone braid my hair for this dinner please

 **laf** : !! I will mon ange

 **anastasie** : really !!

 **laf** : of course !! I can get up early to do my makeup and then !! braid

 **anastasie** : tY !! ILY!!

 **laf** : ILY2 !!

\---

 **johnn** : alex is so warm and soft he's like a mattress only better bc he's a Person

 **little lion** : you are literally writhing around and nOT only are you grinding on my ass, your elbows are digging into my VERY soft shoulders and I am about to kill you

 **johnn** : ghGJ I'll get down now bc lafayette's hair is in pineapples and we can sleep now

 **laf** : protective hairstyles are no joke jonathan

 **johnn** : understandable come here

 **more like HUNKules** : is it weird that we've switched sleep positions

 **laf** : I mean,,,twenty years,,,bOUnd to happen at some point

 **laf** : when we lived in the first apartment I used to have to sleep in the middle

 **little lion** : you were the only tall babe!! we needed a grounding force

 **johnn** : and then hercules moved in with us !! second apartment !! and we all fit together like lil puzzle pieces

 **little lion** : theN third apartment, which we fucking stayed in for literaLLY LITERALLY 16 years we still live in our third apartment

 **laf** : who cares it's cute and we're leaving it soon

 **johnn** : how are we gonna decide on how firm/soft our mattress is gonna be

 **johnn** : we almost broke up over this the first time

 **more like HUNKules** : you made me Buy a Ferry Ticket and Visit to help decide

 **little lion** : it needs to be Harder bc we're getting older and have back problems

 **laf** : You have back problems

 **little lion** : and I am the universal spouse that ties both marriages together and therefore I think I get the biggest fraction of the vote

 **johnn** : ??? nO

 **little lion** : ??? yES

 **little lion** : oH wait I fucking

 **little lion** : literally sleep with james and thomas this isn't a mystery their bed is hard as fuck

 **more like HUNKules** : wE CAN DO A SOFT HARD MATTRESS

 **little lion** : I would say one of those adjustable ones but they wouldn't fit us!! and I don't like the gap in the middle how am I going to cuddle you

 **laf** : babe

 **little lion** : weRE NAPPING. WE CAN DECIDE ON THE FIRMNESS OF OUR BED WHEN WE ARE SH O PP IN G FOR A NEW BED

 **johnn** : oh my god how are we gonna decide which fucking dishes to keep

 **little lion** : ours they match and have birds on them, but we keep their wedding china bc wealthy prominent virginian families do NOT fuck around when it comes to china

 **more like HUNKules** : how come we don't have any china

 **little lion** : ??? who would we get it from ???

 **laf** : mine's in the castle with the Painting

 **johnn** : your parents Bought us our fancy plates it's just not Fine China

 **little lion** : you eat spaghetti o's out of our fancy bowls. so it not only loses its appeal, you steal it

 **johnn** : wo W

\---

 **angelica** : rAN INTO THOMAS AT TARGET

 **angelica** : FIRST OF ALL HE INSULTED MY BABY CHAIN

 **little lion** : bc your baby chain is oLD aND YOUR YOUNGEST CHILD IS NINE

 **angelica** : ,,,,if I lose my children in target I will literally never find them again

 **angelica** : aNYWAY, he was buying oranges in bulk and told me I might want to talk?? to you??

 **little lion** : oH !! yeah smth happened with all six of us that was,,,,uH significant and worth mentioning but!! I wasn't sure whether to tell you over text oR ??

 **angelica** : BREAKFAST !! SUNDAY !!

 **little lion** : hmm but I'm going to brunch with james and thomas :^(

 **angelica** : ,,,can you make it Lunch

 **little lion** : iLL see, but I want to eat breakfast at your house bc church's scrambled eggs are bomb and I miss my goddaughters

 **angelica** : fine and we can have mimosas

 **little lion** : hmm I'm a lightweight but fine

 **angelica** : yAS!! we can make them mostly orange juice

 **little lion** : good bc I now have breakfast with you, lunch with thomas and james, and then a dinner party with john's siblings and I'm going to be exhausted

 **angelica** : ,,,we can have coffee too

 **little lion** : fucking thank you

 **little lion** : !! I have to go now though, hercules is trying to hug me but can't fit his arms around my phone goodbye !!

 **angelica** : I

\---

 **macaroni fUCK** : DID YOU TALK TO ANGELICA

 **little lion** : yeS!! I'm having trouble typin gtho her cules is wrestl in g me

 **jmadzzz** : I

 **little lion** : he mo ves and i n or d er for me to ho ld my p hon emy thu mb slam s do wn on the s paceb ar

 **little lion** : a ls o !! can we do lu nch on s un daY?? an ge lic a in vit ed me ov er fo rbre ak fas t

 **jmadzzz** : I feel like I'm trying to read fucking morse code but !! of course !!

 **macaroni fUCK** : !! can we go to that grilled cheese place !!

 **little lion** : !! hercules stopped fighting me bc I'm laying on top of him now so hello I'm so cozy in the arms of my husband who is gripping my waist anD !! YES !! Y A S !!

 **jmadzzz** : !!!!

 **little lion** : I need you to Drive There for,,,reasons

 **jmadzzz** : so you can make out with us in the backseat??

 **little lion** : ,,,yes

 **macaroni fUCK** : of course

 **little lion** : !! I'm so excited to see you !! and also we should have a whole dinner on like thursday w All of us bc !! bonding

 **macaroni fUCK** : how do you find time to do everything you do like I love you so much but I can't even find time to do laundry most days

 **little lion** : hGJh you have that schedule taped to your vitamin cabinet what are you talking about

 **jmadzzz** : that hasn't been organized in Months, we use it to track jane's wrestling practice and lucy uses it to see when we can go to museums

 **little lion** : that is Horrific

 **little lion** : I have a planner that ana made me that I love sm and it has binder clips in it so I can take stuff out and then file it away in case I need it for reference and put stuff in and I use it for EVERYTHING

 **macaroni fUCK** : !! is that the sparkly pink book you carry with you everywhere ??

 **little lion** : yA!!

 **little lion** : I fucking track hercules' order deadlines in there and I don't even have to I'm so

 **jmadzzz** : I'm

 **jmadzzz** : what falls under Everything aside from hercules' deadlines

 **little lion** : fuCKing !! meetings, work schedules, deadlines, pip's soccer games and practices, frances' trombone lessons, chore schedule, fucking hair wash days for Everyone, T shot schedules, dates !! like !! couply ones, anniversaries, birthdays, Events, appointments, theraPY if that didn't already count as an appointment, stuff like that

 **little lion** : then there's shit in the back like little lists of restaurants, what numbers to give to someone if we ever have to leave our children alone that is actually on our fridge, uHh places we want to see when we retire, date ideas, all of my passwords written in code, !! my fave !! which is the list of gifts I want to buy my signifs that is Ever growing and expanding

 **little lion** : sometimes I track sales @ places I like

 **little lion** : literally every single sale old navy has is documented in this book I fucking Love old navy

 **little lion** : also sephora for lafayette bc I love them and know how much they love to bargain shop

 **jmadzzz** : I would Love to see what your closet looks like,,,brand wise

 **little lion** : literally it's old navy, things hercules makes me, and then just like !! way too expensive things that are cute that lafayette has to Convince me to buy after I ask them to bc I get the anxieties about money Still

 **macaroni fUCK** : aw babe <3

 **little lion** : !! I'm so excited for this dinner now !!

 **jmadzzz** : can ana Make me one of these planners

 **jmadzzz** : I have Money

 **little lion** : !! I can ask while we're at pasta house !! she likes money and making things so probably !!

 **macaroni fUCK** : ,,,,can this be a collab planner,,,,

 **jmadzzz** : I'm

 **jmadzzz** : you're a mess and you're lucky we love you

 **macaroni fUCK** : !! immensely !! and !! I'm taking that as a yes??

 **jmadzzz** : of course my love now help me with !! dinner

 **macaroni fUCK** : !! ooOh YES

 **macaroni fUCK** : !! have fun at pasta house alexander !! we love you sm

 **little lion** : I love you too!! I have to wake up my spouses now or else we're gonna be laTE

 **jmadzzz** : !! godspeed

\---

 **johnn** : oh my go D I love waking up next to you !!

 **johnn** : lafayette is so beautiful and I'm in love

 **little lion** : hercules and I were just making out in the bathroom hghgh go on I Also love lafayette

 **more like HUNKules** : did I hear smth about loving lafayette

 **johnn** : you did !! they're still asleep and I love !! jusT!! everything about them !! I'm choked up I can't even get into it

 **johnn** : I just !! I'm really happy !! maybe it's pasta house who knows I'm

 **more like HUNKules** : do you wanna come in Here to stop being choked up, or do you wanna stay out There and continue being choked up but it's worth it bc you get to be with lafayette

 **johnn** : neither I'm waking them up bc they have to be ready Before us to braid ana's hair

 **little lion** : oh !! right !! I completely forgot bc when I woke hercules up he asked me if I wanted to make out with him in the bathroom and I was like,,,yes yes

 **johnn** : HJSDH hercules, scoundrel

 **laf** : s c A ndalous

 **laf** : also hello I feel like garbage where is the tylenol

 **more like HUNKules** : he looked up at me w his dumb eyes like Chocolate and I was like wow I have to kiss this man asap

 **little lion** : and then he got flustered bc when he shut the bathroom door and looked back at me I was smiling at him and that wasn't ""in character for the context""

 **more like HUNKules** : it wASNT

 **little lion** : I love hercules so much

 **laf** : that is so cute and I love you both so much but wHERE

 **laf** : IS THE

 **laf** : T Y L E N O L

 **johnn** : my babe

 **laf:** my brain is playing the fucking marimba in my Skull and I am dying

 **little lion** : are you okay to go to the House

 **laf** : hjdhJGDSHDG yes but !! tylenol please

 **little lion** : getting

 **more like HUNKules** : lafayette!! my love !! come here !!

 **laf** : y e s hercules Enveloping me is not only soothing for pain, it soothes the soul

 **laf** : hercules is fucking huge I want him to crush me

 **more like HUNKules** : do you mean Kill You or lay on you

 **laf** : either

 **more like HUNKules** : uhHh well No and Maybe Later dearest

 **laf** : yay

 **little lion** : !! when we get home on sunday !! I have breakfast with angelica, lunch w james and thomas, and then I'll be home by like two probs to get ready for the dinner party buT idk when I'll be home between breakfast and lunch bc I'm seeing my goddaughters

 **little lion** : oh my god football season is soon

 **johnn** : aW !! peewee cheerleading

 **little lion** : p e e w e e c h e e r l e a d i n g

 **little lion** : proud of mary !! love her sm like yas fuck it up schuyler-wayles child !! but at the same time she does not Like cheerleading and only goes for french fries, which makes my obligation to be there baseless, but still, moral support and my role as a godfather sO !!

 **laf** : I love you

 **little lion** : I love you too!!

 **little lion** : also !! martha has a tuba recital in august !! idk why our family choses the brass instruments but !! go off

 **more like HUNKules** : alex is so amazing I lvoe him he literally made a list of people he needed to visit when we get home and is knockin em all out in one day except washington

 **little lion** : ,,,I'll see him on monday

 **laf** : !! we have to start getting ready !!

 **little lion** : rigHT

\---

 **laf** : !! do you want me to use your comb or mine

 **anastasie** : yours

 **laf** : okay !! I'm coming down now mon ange

 **anastasie** : okay !! I'm dressed I just need to graB my lip balm and I am Ready

 **laf** : of course !!

 **anastasie** : !!

\---

 **laf** : anAS HAIR IS BRAIDED ITS TIME TO GO TO THE H O U S E

 **anastasie** : THE HOUSE

 **frances** : did y'all know,,,that I am,,,,stunning

 **france eyes** : this whole time yes

 **france eyes** : I choked on my own tongue when you handed me the seating chart for pre-calc last year we been knowin

 **james** : I laughed when he choked on it own tongue but also was dying inside

 **little lion** : mood

 **johnn** : iM

 **little lion** : yOU IN THOSE SHORTS JOHN ITS A DAMN MOOD

 **johnn** : HSJDHSKJD

 **more like HUNKules** : can someone elsE drive the bus

 **more like HUNKules** : NOT HUGH, I love my spouses and children too much to die at his hands

 **hugh lowercase** : ok well fuck you too

 **elizabeth s** : iLL DO IT!! IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DRIVE THE BUS

 **mother mulligan** : why?? and why haven't you before??

 **elizabeth s** : uHh bc it seems fun anD Fear

 **little lion** : mood but also please do not kill us or the children

 **little lion** : not insulting your personal driving skill I just worry and have also never been in a car with you driving Ever

 **laf** : WE CAN ALL SQUEEZE INTO THE F U CKING FRONT ROW

 **johnn** : Y A S

 **hugh lowercase** : she's a better driver than me I hate driving

 **johnn** : evidently

 **more like HUNKules** : THEN WHY DO YOU DO IT

 **hugh lowercase** : uHh as a mulligan I feel like I have to

 **elizabeth s** : I was a mulligan Also,,,,twice

 **hugh uppercase** : you still are elizabeth nothing changes that

 **elizabeth s** : omg

 **little lion** : uHHhhHhHHH WE'RE MULLIGANS AND DO YOU SEE U S TRYING TO DRIVE THE BUS?? NO

 **laf** : BC WE HAVE C OMM ON S E NSE

 **more like HUNKules** : I'm in love

 **johnn** : SDJSDHSJ HOW OFTEN DO YOU DRIVE REGULARLY HOT QUESTION

 **hugh lowercase** : uHH like ??? three times a week

 **laf** : HGJDHHSJ ID HAVE BETTER LUCK DRIVING THE BUS

 **little lion** : FUCKGNG AT THAT RATE I COULD DRIVE THE BUS BLINDFOLDED ARE YOU KIDDING

 **hugh lowercase** : I FEEL ATTACKED

 **johnn** : YOU SHOULD THIS IS DIRECTLY AN ATTACK

 **laf** : IS YOUR LICENSE EVEN UP TO DATE

 **hugh lowercase** : YES PROBABLY

 **hugh lowercase** : YES YES I CHECKED AND ITS YES

 **little lion** : I'm going to literally kill you

 **hugh lowercase** : please no

 **little lion** : if you didn't have a son I would Literally kill you

 **johnn** : oddly specific but when alex puts his hair up and he's standing in front of me and I just See how red the back of his neck is when he's mad and he huffs then Turns to me and Melts so I hug him is,,,,,,

 **little lion** : hugh is not allowed to Speak to me for at LEAST two hours for endangering my children

 **pip pip doodly doo** : pops it wasn't that bad,,,

 **little lion** : but was it the Best

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ,,,,,,,no

 **little lion** : then this is valid

 **frances** : damn

\---

 **theodosia the Second** : how do y'all just cursE in front of your parents like I've been meaning to ask this since I came to your house that one time and your dad just sighed and went ""where are the,,,fucking,,,,bread and butter pickles I'm going to die"" and pip just went ""uHhHh in the little fucking,,,,drawer thing,,,the fuckin,,,,criSPER thing at the bottom,,,the little,,,that" and I was literally having a heart attack

 **anastasie** : uHh when we each were ten they told us we could curse but Not to like,,,,people who don't deserve it

 **anastasie** : like we can't just tell waitresses we want a ""fucking pasta bread bowl"" bc that's rude

 **anastasie** : also to always tip as much as you can other life lessons

 **anastasie** : a lot of our life lessons are just,,,being human people to customer service it's stressed a lot

 **james** : please

 **james** : all food service people are dying please

 **frances** : aw babe

 **france eyes** : literally frances always tips at LEAST 30% and I'm like !! wow !! I'm dating a dream person this isn't real

 **frances** : I'm

 **france eyes** : I work at a place where the most expensive thing is fifteen dollars and people tip like,,,Nothing,,,so just like going on a first date with you when you gave a twenty like it was nothing I was like wow :) I am in love with you :) and then that little baby ran into you on the way out and you were so cute and nice and wow I'm in tears

 **frances** : that baby was like four

 **james** : oH MY GOD YES AND THEN WHEN WE WENT FOR ICE CREAM AND THE SUNLIGHT WAS EVERYWHERE AND SHE WAS GLISTENING AND YOU BOTH KEPT LAUGHING AT ME BC I GOT SO CAUGHT UP IN STARING AT YOU BOTH AND HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE THAT I WOULD FORGET TO TALK

 **france eyes** : yHJSD you still do that

 **james** : LOOK AT YOU

 **frances** : JSDHSJD

\---

 **mother mulligan** : ARE WE ALL READY

 **more like HUNKules** : WE'VE BEEN READY BUT ALEX IS ANGER @ HUGH AND SO TIME HAS STOOD STILL

 **hugh lowercase** : why did you put this in the mulligan four group chat

 **more like HUNKules** : <3 <3 <3 when your spouses claim their mulligan by marriage status and now you can't call this the mulligan chat <3 <3 <3

 **hugh lowercase** : yEAH and they did it to yell at me

 **more like HUNKules** : yOU potentially put our children's lives in danger and do not think for a second that I'm not angry at you too, bc I am, however alex is pouty and distracting and I love him

 **hugh lowercase** : I get it, it is kind of nice to know that someone is that protective of their children and willing to ban someone from speaking to them bc they can't drive

 **more like HUNKules** : hugh

 **hugh lowercase** : it's !! admirable !! I guess if I ever get remarried I would want it to be someone like that

 **more like HUNKules** : we,,,all have an understanding that alexander is Still off limits by his own volition and the fact that it would be disgusting correct

 **more like HUNKules** : you have a son with my ex-girlfriend, that nephew of mine is Not becoming my step son

 **hugh lowercase** : yes I understand

 **hugh lowercase** : I love elizabeth and even though she's not my wife anymore she Is the best partner I could ask for to help raise our son, you really got lucky didn't you

 **more like HUNKules** : three times yes

 **more like HUNKules** : now LETS !! GO !!

 **hugh uppercase** : YOU ARE THE ONLY ONES NOT IN THE BUS

 **mother mulligan** : ELIZABETH SAID SHES LEAVING WITHOUT YOU!!

 **hugh lowercase** : nO

\---

 **more like HUNKules** : I love you all !!

 **laf** : we love you too!!

 **johnn** : love you hercules!!

 **little lion** : love you!!

**Author's Note:**

> !! I was so busy this week and I'm going to be even busier this wEEKEND !! and I have a research report due soon so !! the hiatus for this might be a !! tad long !! 
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af
> 
> comments are what keep me writing this fic and also fuel my existence sO!!


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